Scale Humor

The Egotist

I am old as the history of civilized man
early I joined the traffic of the world.

Abraham used me as he bargained for his burial ground.
Joseph relied upon me during the years of the grat famine.
Belshazzar trembled as I read his doom.
I am pictured on the ancient temple walls of Egypt and Babylonia.

I antedate the use of money of any sort
yea, the value of money is determined by me.
I handle counting problems with startling rapidity and accuracy.
I am recognized by the governments of all nations.
I can win or lose wars.

I measure one of the greatest forces of nature.
I tell how much coal is mined and burnes.
I determine the value of all metals, common and precious:
Lapidaries would be lost without me.
I guard the very water that man drinks.
If I were unfaithful to my trust
I could bankrupt the commerce of the world.
I stand guard in the most unpretentious shops,
and the mightiest industries rely on me.
I have a part in all the food that is eaten, the clothing that is worn,
the soaps, powders, and perfumes that are bought.
I am important at birth, necessary through life, and useful at death.

I spy on most letters that are written,
and govern the ingredients of ink used in writing them.
Papers and magazines are subject to my scrutiny.
I work with the ignorant.
I assist with accuracy the investigations of the scientist.
Pauper or prince, I serve both alike.

I hold front seat at every baseball game.
I stand at the starting and finishing line of every horse race.
Prize fighters are classified by me.

I am known the world over.
I am one of the most important necessities of a progressive civilization, yet often ties I am one of the most neglected.